A Fatherless Son's Story

Honoring Fathers- Part 1

One Man's Journey

My Dad

Ron Gilliam and Sons and Grandsons

My “dad” started out as a Redcap for the New York Central railroad-a redcap was a baggage handler or waiter.  Shortly after I was conceived he exited from my mom’s life, never to return.   He eventually went on to become vice-president of the largest Black insurance company in the world.  Along that journey he re-married, fathered another son , educating him well, sending him to a private boarding school, then to Yale, and finally on to the University of Michigan where he obtained his master’s degree, after which he too became an executive with his father’s firm.  “Dad” once told him that he had a brother living in upstate NY, but there was never a follow-up.  (My brother, having become a very successful businessman, eventually became owner of a radio station, turning it into one of the most popular gospel stations in the south.) 

Life without a father

In the meantime my mom and I struggled, living in an apartment with no hot running water nor indoor toilet or bath.  (They were in the outside unheated hallway.) The apartment was heated with kerosene stoves—the kerosene purchased in 5 gallon cans from the gas station up the street.  As a ten year old it was no easy chore having to carry 2 cans at a time, especially with two feet of snow on the ground. 

As I approached manhood I passed the time going to school, playing semi-pro baseball, amateur softball and basketball.  College almost became an obsession, until I realized it was not a probability.  No one from our neighborhood went to college except World War II veterans on the GI bill.  Ironically it was around that time that “dad”, who was a pillar in his community, sat on the board of trustees of a well-known HBCU (historically black college/university).  (Years later I did attend college which eventually led to careers in sales and marketing management, job development, college recruitment  and teaching.) 

                                              I created my own model of a father.

My alternative to college was marriage, for which I have no regrets, other than the fact that not going to college temporarily limited my future options.  This was long before Pell Grants and student loans were accessible.  The arrival of my first born forced me to come to the reality that I was now a father, and inasmuch as my village wasn’t into raising children, I was forced to design my own model.  (My mother’s second marriage of 2 years ended in physical disaster.)  

Father and Husband-My Definition

First I had to define what I thought a father should be and here’s what I came up with:

One who provides a secure roof, food and clothing to their best ability.  One who is willing to listen and offer advice.  One who would play ball with his children, attend recitals and ball games.  And spend time vacationing as a family, when possible.  One who could be a role model to both his sons and daughters, and one who loved and respected his wife—which could lead to another essay.  While far from perfect, a serious attempt was made.  

To summarize let me say that in spite of the fact that some of us may not have been blessed with fathers in the home, we do not have to be burdened with the task of trying to determine what a father should be.  We simply ask ourselves how we would have liked to have been treated if we had had a dad, then we’ve found your answer.

I share this only to show that one doesn’t necessarily need that physical role model to effectively impact on the lives of our families.  Coming from a two parent family is of course the ultimate, however 70% of us don’t share that experience, therefore it’s important to know that we can design our own concept of fatherhood, developed from a model that we create, rather than from those “role models” created by the media and others who do not have our best interests at heart.

Note:    Ron met his brother for the first time in 2007.

Ron Gilliam lives in Decatur, Georgia with his wife, Gloria of 59 years.  They are the proud parents of 2 sons and 3 daughters (all college graduates), 20 grandchildren: 15 either attending or graduated from college (11 boys, 9 girls), and 2 great granddaughters. 

The Other Side of the Coin: Two sons, same father, different lives

Ron’s brother, Art Gilliam, has written a book about his life. Here's an excerpt.  

Introduction to “One America: Moving Beyond the Issue of Race”

Art Gilliam
The other son

I was barely old enough to ride the bus alone. I was riding to Bethlehem Center, which was run by a few white Quakers who had come to the South to teach us arts and crafts. The center was in the neighborhood next to mine, but it was a long walk, so I was taking the bus. I was so proud that Mother was letting me ride the bus alone that day. She knew I wouldn’t encounter any local white people, because I didn’t have to ride far enough to go through any white neighborhoods where they would begin boarding the bus. Sadly, and by design, Negroes, as we were called in the 1950’s, had to ride the bus behind any white passengers who got on. That’s what the sign said at the front of the bus. But the bus route began in our all-Negro neighborhood, so on this day I would not encounter any white people, and there would be no problems.

I remember that short bus ride in Memphis, my home town. It was a few years before Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of a Montgomery, Alabama bus and triggered a bus boycott by Negroes, which was the initial incident that brought that boycott’s leader, Martin Luther King, to the nation’s attention. But that would all come later. At this time, I was only thinking about the arts and crafts awaiting me at Bethlehem Center and how proud I was that my mom trusted me to ride the bus alone. It meant I was a “big boy”! 

If I had written a book proposal back then about what happened to that 

boy, it would have had the most improbable of story lines. He would leave the segregated South at thirteen to attend a nearly all-white New England prep school and seven years later would graduate from Yale University. He would earn a master’s degree in actuarial science and go on later to buy a radio station in Memphis. Eventually, he would marry a white girl living in

Copenhagen, Denmark and together in Memphis they would watch a fellow named Barack Hussein Obama, who has an African father and a white American mother, be sworn in as President of the United States. Even the most liberal of book proposal reviewers would have relegated that one to the fantasy land bin. That is, if the script and author made it past the nearest insane asylum, assuming the author was not lynched before having the opportunity to be committed. Yet here we are only a few decades later, and the story is in the category of nonfiction. I suppose it would be fair to say this could only happen in America.  Yet on the way to this “only in America” ending are some very ugly stories that also happened in America. It is all part of life here and maybe everywhere really. We have our triumphs. We have our disillusionments. We have our challenges still to be met. 

The story does not begin on that Memphis, Tennessee bus. It begins a little earlier, when I didn’t even know I was a Negro. I was just a little boy with no awareness of race. Do you remember a time when you had no awareness of race? What an uncomplicated world! At some point life changes all of that. For now though, let’s go back to that age of innocence where there was no race, to a place where for me life was happy and simple – in Mama’s kitchen begging for a johnnycake.  Read more about Ron's brother.

An Understanding of Freedom of Religion

The Individual's Rights in America

I'm tired of people trying to impose their beliefs on other individuals. In the United States of America every single citizen has religious freedom. First of all, the United States does not have an official state (country) religion. That's right, the Constitution says this country has  separation of church and state. I am also weary of people accusing President Obama of taking away people's Constitutional rights. Do these people even know what the Constitution says? When was the last time they (or you) read it? In elementary school, maybe?

President Obama is not the "abortion President", as James Dobson of Focus on the Family says. The POTUS is a man who believes in the rights of individuals as stated in the Constitution. President Obama taught constitutional law for twelve years at the University of Chicago Law School. As President, and as a constitutional scholar, he knows and he must ensure, that every American citizen has the right to make choices for his or her life, regardless of any President's personal beliefs.

Secondly, many Americans seem to have forgotten American history and why the pilgrims and Puritans came to the "new world" in the first place. They came to have RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. In the United States of America, a person has the right to believe or not to believe what others do. Thankfully, this country does not have an official state (country) religion like Saudi Arabia (Islam), Pakistan and Cambodia (Buddhist), Somaliland (Islam), Israel (Jewish), Denmark (Lutheran), Greece (Eastern Orthodox), and Scotland (Presbyterian).  These are just a few countries that do; there are many more. However, in the USA, every person may choose his or her own religion. Each citizen can also choose NOT to have a religion. In America, a person can also NOT believe in God. That's right. Everyone has the right to choose what they believe, and they don't have to believe someone else's ideas or "religious" beliefs.

Thirdly, the Bill of Rights guarantees citizens the freedom of religion. It's the very first amendment. Read the Bill of Rights for yourself. Therefore, religious organizations and their leaders, do not have the right to legally impose their beliefs on others. The Constitution protects citizens from being forced by organizations to have the same belief system as their members. That is why there is a multiplicity of faiths in this country, as well as atheists, and agnostics.

The United States is NOT a Christian country. Hence, its citizens may be of any religion or no religion at all. In fact, the founding fathers were NOT Christians. They were  Deists. This article explains Deism. 

 

Don't believe the hype! And definitely don't believe the pundits. 

Think for yourself. Know the facts before your speak or act. 

Too many Americans believe whatever someone says without checking the facts, and knowing the truth. It boggles the mind that there are, and have been, so many lies and deliberate wrongful misinterpretations of President Obama's thoughts and actions. Instead of focusing on negative untruths, Americans need to begin recognizing that they are being manipulated. The need to understand how the policies and programs implemented by the President benefit them. Obtain knowledge of what you're talking about and reacting to, before you decide whether or not it's  beneficial for you, your family, and your community. While you're

pondering that, learn what the media critics and elected naysayers propose. Usually, the recommendations that they make serve to benefit wealthy corporations and rich individuals, not the average middle class citizen. Senators and Congressmen have free deluxe health care that is paid for with your tax dollars. Yet, they and the governors of your states want to deny you a  bare bones health care program. These people earn very high salaries, also paid with your tax dollars. They regularly vote themselves raises, which is allowed by a law that cannot be changed. When was the last time you had a raise? Or even a decent paying job? 

Do you live in a state that refuses to expand Medicaid so that everyone can have health care, even though the federal government is giving the state money to pay for it? Do you live in a state that is cutting food stamps and letting children go hungry? Do you live in a state that makes it harder for you to vote when there never was a problem before? You can't even get a record of your vote. How does a citizen know if the results of an election are valid? Think about it. Think about it and do the research for yourself. Form your own opinion. Go directly to the source and read for yourself, instead of accepting what biased politicians, organizations, corporations, publications, and individuals say. They all have an agenda: money or power or both. It's easy to say don't raise the minimum wage when you are a wealthy corporation or a rich individual. 

 

No where in the Bible does it say that God is a "Christian". The New Testament does say that there were followers of Jesus Christ; however, the term "christian" was a negative description of them after Christ's death, and his followers were being persecuted. Throughout the Bible, particularly in the New Testament, we're told that there is one God, not one "Christian" God. Alabama's Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore, another misguided leader who doesn't know the Constitution obviously has his own interpretation of God. He also doesn't seem to understand the first amendment of the Constitution.

What can you do? Ask yourself this most important question: 

"Is that true?" 

Then go find out, before you form an opinion based on what someone else said.

 

Take note: The greedy, power-hungry companies and individuals are taking over many public services. Their motive is to make a profit, NOT to help educate children or prevent recidivism in the prison system. Your state governments are even considering privatizing social and family services. Don't think for a minute that they will run any of these public services cost-efficiently. In order to do so, they will and have decreased the quality of the services, eliminated jobs. And guess what? Your tax dollars pay for these companies. Yes, these unscrupulous companies are paid with your tax dollars. Many civil service workers will be unemployed and will eventually have to take jobs at much lower salaries. That's how corporations work. The Privatization Nightmare. By the way, your elected officials benefit from this process, too. When they leave office, they get cushy, well-paid jobs with the companies the government contracted with to run government services. The  United States Postal Service is the next huge service that is on the agenda to be privatized.

 

What really boggles the mind is the fact that this President has accomplished more for Americans and the country, especially the  middle class and the poor, than his recent predecessors, and probably more than any President, ever!

In fact, 3 Chics Politico says he's done more than any President in the history of this country.  President Obama's accomplishments despite American lawmakers' resistance to his proposals. 

Finally,

• Know the truth before you speak against something: 

• Know all sides of an issue and why your representative/senator/governor supports it:

•  Know how decisions will affect you, your family, and your community: